Endeavour - Advancement, Pt. A

Deep within my skin I feel this delusion clutching my rationality. Will it bend will it break pushing me just for the sake. Myself was my own enemy. You've entombed me with my cowardice. A never ending state of misery. I have lost myself deep within the divide. I've lost all sight in the divide. The parallels of reality collide deep inside the divide. I've lost myself deep inside the divide. I've lost my (mind). I begin to descend this is far worse than I can apprehend or begin to understand the reasons why I've been so afraid to live and even more afraid to die. I persuaded myself to think even though I know the reasons why I've been so afraid to live for the fear of losing my life.

I can't remember why I've been at this for so long. I can't even describe my state of mind. I'm petrified to look into your eyes. What will be my alibi to all the accusations. All I can foresee has me gasping. I'm struggling to breathe on my own. I just want to escape, escape from all the suffering. Close my eyes and have no memory of any of this. Say goodbye to this life, to this existence. Say goodbye to everything you've felt inside. 

They've started a fire. In them in the hearts of men built an idea of existence. Something they can believe in. An idea that cares for the simplest of men's affairs. Something to fight for. Wage wars and die for. Illuminating the Earth a light has risen to the sky. Illuminating. The answers hiding in between. This conscious state and reality. More like a dream. It's all part of the grand scheme.

Utterly, completely, imperceptible. Truth is, there is no truth at all. We have been condemned to be content. Hindered by ignorance and arrogance. I find myself on the precipice of the end. Yesterday repeats itself. Over and over and over again.

This is just a vessel this body my shell. These scars that cover me will serve as a reminder of time on this Earth. And when my span has reached it's end this form will begin to decompose. Molecules rearrange. Chemical breakdown. Forming something new. I will become one with the Earth a peaceful sleep until it comes. This is just a vessel that will carry me. This is just the shell that encases me. These are just the scars that will remind me of my time on this Earth. And when my span has reached it's end, I will become one with the Earth.

Sweet lady morphine bringer of less pain and bad dreams. Give me something to sleep. I want to see my friends again. I awake from this. Suspended and screaming once again. The memories I pretend never happened. It's like I've been abandoned in the middle of the ocean it seems. Far away from mindful things. The waters around me are beginning to rise, rise, rise. Wake me from this nightmare.