Harakiri For The Sky - III: Trauma (2016)

I always dared to know you were entrusted to me,
For a few years, as my charge, but not my property
I always hoped the dawn of days
Wouldn't raze all we edified, I may got dazzled
Despite the sun was always hiding from me
I hope you'll find what you were always looking for
I hope you find the warmth and the protection
I was unable to offer
For my own part, well
I just hope to find myself again
To unearth a long-lost part of me
Although I disbelief...

BURY ME
In these starlit, cold waters
BURY ME
In these much too shallow graves
BURY ME
Once more, in the dust of days
BURY ME
Among this river that once flooded this place

This dire tide of disorder
once again pulled out the sand under my feet
Washed me away and got me stranded here,
so far away from home
They are waiting for me,
they are waiting for the world to end
Maybe I disguise,
but writing this song made me think only of you

It won't be long, until I will face the ferryman
I'm sure he will be good to me, eventually set me free
I'm sure I will find peace now, finally eternal rest
For cartage, please withdraw the obolos off my tongue...
AND LET ME SLEEP...

In one case I never had doubts
My passing will be a violent one
I'll be gone without a warning
And all I'll leave: THIS CRYPTIC LETTER
This life deadened everything inside me
All that I loved was carried away
I must have passed the point of no return
Felt like a thousand years ago...
I'm going home now...!

I'M GOING HOME NOW

Since the day they called me and I heard you passed away
I had no peaceful night, no minute of rest
I can‘t hear myself think, no love left for another
This first night of winter was unison my own death...

Come closer dearest void and choke me from the inside
Strangle me slowly or break my neck whilst the fall
It makes no difference to me, I don’t care at all
Neglect the fall as long as we keep on falling apart!

You were not my closest friend, but the longest-serving
You were my fellow... or at least you tried.
But you died last winter, strung up in the stable
They found you in the morning, dead as our dreams...
Tonight I’ll get so terribly drunk I’ll lapse into coma
For fuck‘s sake! I’ll drink myself into oblivion
Cause the only way to forget about you,
is to deafen all senses, until deadness eventuates

Chance had thrown us together and only death can part
If my attempt should not fail, a bullet will all too soon conclude

Fuck this life!

I re-open my scars and fill the hole in my heart with smack and wine
And I will lay down my bones at this stone-cold rivers muddy banks
One breath left until the void engulfs me
One breath left and all belongs to the past

You were not my closest friend, but the longest-serving
You were my fellow... or at least you tried.
But you died last winter, strung up in the stable
They found you in the morning, dead as our dreams...
Tonight I’ll get so terribly drunk I’ll lapse into coma
For fuck‘s sake! I’ll drink myself into oblivion
Cause the only way to forget about you,
is to deafen all senses, until deadness eventuates

Fuck this life!
Fuck... my life!

This was the year of the great depression
this was the year I buried myself in the dust of days!

There was way too much water, but these rivers refused to run dry
All worlds wisdom lies buried beneath, but these rivers... they refused to run dry
There was way too much water, but these rivers refused to run dry
All worlds wisdom lies buried beneath, but these rivers... they refused to run dry

Disabled and unarmed we are adrift on this sea of life
A shoreless tide of disorder, just to perish, just to sink
We reach the bottom faster than we thin, we run out of breathe
Pass the realm of shades and reach their end, which is death...

Oh these rivers of nihil, so called rivers of no return
Swallowed and will not disgorge me for quite some time
They know their courses leading up the happy hunting grounds
They know the time of day, know, dead people won't return...

I'M HAUNTED BY WATERS
Drawn together till the end of days
My dear, it will find me, wherever I may roam...
I feel enamoured, like moths are attracted to flames
I'm the deluge, the greatest flood of all, my own nemesis...
I AM THE FLOOD...

DRY THE RIVER...
DRY THE RIVER...
DRY... THIS RIVER...

You can stop now, leading me up the garden path
I'm awoken, I see all people behind their masks
All these pale corpses hurrying along a winding path
Hurrying down these rivers, to their end, which is death...

The poems I wrote for the last few years
Were nothing, but vague prophecies
But they abode what they promised
So be careful what you wish for, you might get it...

Some guys, they just give up living
And start dying little by little, piece by piece
Some guys bury their hopes beneath disrooted trees
But most of them just die a wretched death near these streets...

My memories got stolen ...so hail to the thief
Irony causes laughter, but laughter causes pain
These mountains, one day, will soak the sea
But I won't witness, I won't neither hear nor see...

I can already hear the chains clatter behind my ears
I can feel the flames searing all last evidence
That we have lost this battle doesn't mean we've lost the war
But only when we've lost everything, we'll be free to leave...
We'll be free to leave...

We shared the thirst of swans in the summer
We shared alignment, the lack long after
This city will be the death of me...
To be homebound will be the death of me...

I can never regret, I can feel sorrow, but at least it's not the same thing
I take leave heavy at heart, although it was out of our hands...

We shared the thirst of swans in the summer
We shared alignment, the lack long after
This city will be the death...
Will be the death of me

Childhood ends... and all our dear friends leave the town
That we were born in and grew up all together
Yearling is over, but it's quite hard for me to be cheerfull about it
Cause the loss of secureness beggars my confidence by far

Within the end of everyday I get more paranoid
By the certainty of mortality and death
Lunatic, I know, but just because I'm paranoid
Doesn't mean they are not after me at all

It's beyond me and concerning
And just that I know makes me grieve so deeply...
I don't think we can start all over again...
It's a safe bet, cause nothing will ever change...

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better ones
This happens for sorts of different reasons and most for the wrong
Sometimes I'm on the brink to stab my heart
Because of this sadness
But everything happens for a reason,
Whether we like it or not

This life dulled me abysmally
And crowned me the king of shards
Kept sucking me dry
Till there was nothing left but a mortal apparel
The sons of apathy consigned their souls to escort me
They won't see nor find me among their shadows...

I'M A GHOST NOW...

At least this claiming of death means nothing
And also life in a sort is just a fallacy
I said before, to love, to die
All rigged in advance, merciless devastating illusions

What you call love or affection is just a figment
Someday you'll see, I was so damn right...
Distorted reflections, daggers cutting lacerations
A lifelong tragedy, scavenging vultures!

I can't remember why I left my hometown
And why I moved to this city, that got me stranded by the tide
I wonder who I was those days and who I'm going to be
But to secure peace is still the best way to prepare for war

This world made me an alcoholic
This world makes me wanna die in my sleep
This world made me a junkie, dyed-in-the-wool
This world made me a razoreater, a homeless fool...

No Man is an Island, entire of itself
Every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main
I am involved in mankind, and so are you
Cause we are both part of this vast and moribund clutter
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls
Cause it tolls for you and me... it tolls for you and me...

I didn't believe you, as you once compared love to flames
But I guess you were right, cause both leave nothing but ashes
For me, love was never tied to conditions
In the end I loved you... but I chose darkness...

I chose darkness...

My dear I lost you, as this city lost me
We lost our shelter, we even lost the sea
Day after day keeps elapsing, some day we'll call it years
I'm on my own now... but every stranger looks like you...

The traces we leave are vague, but they still catch sight
Sadly, I'm still lost in this city where I shouldn't be at all
It's hard to wake up from a nightmare, when you're not even asleep
But this world breaks everyone, and afterwards some are strong at the broken places...

It took me almost a year to come
I thought I'd appear here prior
Therefor shorter was the time
Until I found the place you sleep

Our past caught up with me again
This horizon of mountains, as always threatening
Rose up behind me, anything but well-disposed
Like an all shattering orb
Well, that escalated quickly, unsurprisingly
Cause as we know now, we were raised by wolves
So take care if you fuck with the fast
The past at least won't fuck you...

Never... ever... this melancholy will pass....
I set a foot in our city and I feel so relegated
The days we lived here as kids, don't seem too far gone
As we hid in these fields together and bolt into the rye

I destroyed their childhood memories
In getting one thing straight
And in doing so, I tried to set their world on fire
Now I came for your graveyard
For the very first time these days
Finally set out for a fleeting visit...
In the dead of a night...

I carried this picture for the last two hundredth and eighty days
Just to put it near your last smile, so near, but far beyond
Then I did all my tweak and sniffed it off your tombstone
Oh believe me brother, I gulped it all in one...

I'll never write peace on your wings
And let you simmer wordlessly
You promised me, that if we leave this place
We set free as one
But you spoke the words of a coward!
Fuck! What have you done?!
Now I will smell their scorched earth
Until I retire my own worn body...
Or I will finally choke on this city's mephitic air...

Never... ever...
This melancholy will pass...
I set a foot in our city and I feel so relegated
The days we lived here as kids
Don't seem too far gone
As we hid in these fields together
And bolt into the rye...

The depressions got worse...
And I buried all hope medication will change this fact
A life a fevre dream is never worth to be lived
A life bound in chains, only worth to be shattered
I'll follow these shadows, to become one of them...

Save me from staying around like a shadow
Save me from straying this maze of void
Escort me home mother of dearest demise
Cause as a tragedian, I never learned to live!

Everything great was built upon sorrow
Everything weighty is reasoned on our treasons
Not to be free once broke my heart
But leaving you to erode me from the inside

I wear these wounds like a trophy
Cause life's an only bloodline
I got born to this world as a stranger
As as such... I'll leave it all behind...

Everything great was built upon sorrow
Everything weighty was built upon blood and tears
But this has never been my idea of living
To find what you love... and let it slowly kill you!

Time heals nothing!
Time is just an appeaser!
Time leaves the dust of days
Bears me as the outcast son!

Sleep well my friend
The journey has scarcely started
Pace yourself!
We will still be walking for miles
I know the specters
That haunt you in your dreams
Cause they already
Welcomed me as one of them

DEATH TO EVERYONE!
DEATH TO EVERYONE!

We are a generation lost
Born just to find all gods dead
All wars fought
And all faith in man shaken
A generation misunderstood
A generation in flames
The generation of the disrooted
And the damned

THERE GOES ALL HOPE...