Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble Of Shadows - Nightbreed

Once I cast a spell over myself...

The kind of spell that you forget
the moment that it takes effect.

Oh, I wanted to see,
if there is any love in me.
So, I made a spell
to cast over myself...

For six long years
I suspended my disbelief.
I allowed for the illusion to unfold
and deeply loved a man,
who loved me not.

Those six long years,
I cried so many tears,
I learned all the things
that love can bring...

...except for
one minor thing:

Tell me, how does it feel,
when his love is real?
When the bond, you think, you shared,
is not merely in your head?

Once I cast a spell over myself,
the kind of spell that you forget
the moment that it takes effect.

But I wanted to see,
if there is any love for me.
So I made a spell
and cast it over myself...

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
I am still sad it had to end.

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
I really wish you had the strength,
to put your money where your mouth is.

I wish you were a better man.

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
I wish it wasn't all pretense.
I knew the other shoe would drop,
though I kept hoping it would not.
But sure enough it did just that,
and it hurt.

Oh, it hurt a lot.

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
oh, it hurt a lot.

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
I am still sad it had to end.

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
oh, I have seen the extent
to which you are willing to go,
as long as it's convenient.

Dear Fair Weather Friend,
oh, please do not pretend
to be my haven in the storm.
You were not there,
I was alone.

I held you in such high regard,
but I was never in your heart.
Not even on your mind.

No place for me in your life.

How am I supposed to let the sadness go,
when it's all that I have,
it's all I've ever known?!

Oh, it's the loyal friend,
who will be with me till the end.
It's more than I can say of you
or ... anybody else.

Did you really think
that I expected less from you?
You were supposed to be my friend,
so quite the opposite was true!

But, I know, whatever I did say or that I'll do,
It never did and never will make a damn difference to you.

Your absence made my heart grow cold(er),
yet it would always re-ignite
the moment, when I saw your face.
Each time I heard your voice.

Love... - Fuck, what can I say
that hasn't all been said before?
It's the oldest story in the book,
and that book is such
a gawddamn bore.

I fell into the strangest mood,
every time I left.
Oh, so many thoughts,
and all of them were sad.

I am fine now, though,
oh, isn't it fine?!
I'm getting better and getting worse
at the same bloody time.

How can I let the darkness go?
It is what I am.
It's all I've ever known.
It is ... what I am.

Oh, it's the loyal friend,
who will be with me till the end.
That's more than I can say of you
or ... anybody else.

When he can't give you
five seconds of his time,
because that's all that it takes
to send you a simple "hi".
Then you have no priority,
you're NOT part of his life.
He never thinks of you,
though he may claim otherwise.

It's a sign, it's a sign, girl.
OPEN YOUR EYES!
Please, do not fool yourself, girl.
Take me advice.
It's a sign, it's a sign, boy.
Open your eyes!
He doesn't care about you,
his so-called "love" is a lie!

When he can't give you
five seconds of his time,
not even once a week,
to send you a lousy "hi".
Then you mean nothing to him, girl,
you're not part of his life.
No, he never thinks of you, boy,
he doesn't care, if you die.

It's a sign, it's a sign, girl.
OPEN YOUR EYES!
He's just a selfish asshole,
not your shining knight.
It's a sign, it's a sign, boy.
Please, open your eyes!
He never cared about you,
his so-called "love" is a lie!

Hey, girl!
Hey, boy!
Hey, girl!
Hey, boy!

I release you from the promises you made.

I release you now, because too little and too late.

I release you from all the things you cannot give.
Sadly, that includes a friendship...that you just cannot live.

I believed you, when you said that you mean well,
and I still believe that your heart is in the "right" place.

I believe that you think of yourself as "more",
and it breaks my heart to see just another mainstream whore.

It was my mistake to foolishly expect
you and I could share what, it turned out, you do not have.

I was blinded by the ideal of strength and truth,
but it was really all myself projected onto you.

I wish you happiness for your ordinary life.

I wish you all the happiness with your ordinary wife.

You deny it now, but the kids will come,
and you'll be "happy" then, like any ordinary man.

So, I release you now from the burden of my love,
from the trust I put in you, and all of the above.

I release you now from all the promises you made,
for I know you cannot keep any of them.

I don't know where to begin,
I don't know where to start.

Oh, I loved you once,
Though you loved me not.
I accepted that, of course,
though it hurt ... a lot.
I was lonely then,
so, yes, it hurt, a lot.

You called me "friend",
your efforts, though, were sparse.
I guess, you felt there was no need,
because you knew,
you were always in my heart.

I had hoped that, maybe,
now and then you would share
at least moments of your life... -
but you never seemed to care.

You accepted me though,
and I ... I trusted you.
This is how it all began.

And when at last you said
that you honestly cared,
I believed that, too.
I believed you
to be true.

Then came the tide,
and it brought a storm.
It was bad, so bad,
like it had never been before.

I cried out in pain,
in agony and despair.
I called for your help,
but you were not there.

Like I knew, you wouldn't be.
I knew, you would not hear me,
not in time, I knew...
...And I, I accepted that, too.

I somehow made it
through that night.
I do not remember how,
do not know how I survived...

...And when, at last, you found
the note that I had sent,
all you did was pretend
that you didn't understand...

...And you never came,
you never even called!
How am I your friend,
when you do not care at all?

Friendship is a word
I would never use lightly.

You never understood
what it means to me.
But I was foolish and lonely,
so I closed my eyes, chose not to see.

The five stages of mourning,
well, they do not quite apply,
for the stage of denial,
I've been living that the entire time.

To you a friend is just some "buddy",
with whom to hang out, get drunk and cheer.
The river of your affection
is only as wide as a can of beer.

The five stages of mourning,
well, they do not quite apply,
I have traded my anger for sadness,
and I am sad now all the time.

Against all better judgment,
I was hoping for greater things to come,
but in the end it was all disappointing,
what can you expect from a simple man?!

The five stages of mourning,
well, they do not quite apply,
there is nothing here to bargain for,
the illusion of you, it had to die.

To bury an empty coffin,
is the hardest way to say goodbye.
It's quite a fitting picture though,
for your friendship ... it was hollow inside.

The five stages of mourning,
well, they do not quite apply,
for the stage of denial,
I've been living that the entire time.

I know you,
well enough to know
that no-one can move you,
when you don't want to go.

I know you,
well enough to know
that no-one can stop you,
once you've decided to go.

I'm not your pal, your aunt or your mother!
You asshole, I am your friend.

But if all that is too much to ask for,
then, please ... don't pretend.

If you don't care to have me
in your busy and happy life,
then DON'T YOU DARE
say that you love me!

Go and tell that shit to your wife!

Oh, I know you...

I know you,
and you knew what it meant to me!
But you didn't care,
or you would have been there.

So, FUCK YOU for that !!!

Oh, I know you...

People gazed, and people said:
"it looked so beautiful, when you two danced!
Oh, it was magical, we all could tell,
he really loves you, too ... in his own way!"

Yes, that is right,
all this is true,
but it's not magic,
no, it's just the booze.
Whisky brings out the "love" in him,
a "love" that, when he's sober,
he cannot feel.

I was all new to this "spirits" thing,
I just did not know, 'cause I never used to drink.
I wondered, how a bond that seemed so strong
when we were together ... be suddenly gone?

Well, it's quite simple, NOTHING is real!
It's only the alcohol that he feels.
I had to learn all this the hardest way:
his love disappeared
came the light of day.

It's quite confusing
and awfully cruel,
you feel like an idiot,
a gawd-damn fool,
when the love that you feel for him
was never the drugs,
but in fact the real thing.

Yes, it is sad,
but sadly it's true:
there is no magic,
there is only booze.
Whisky brings out his "love" for me,
a love that, when he's sober,
he never feels.

I am not sad.

Well, I'm sad, but not angry.
That feeling is gone.

Everything I felt for you is gone.

I am not hurt.

Well, I'm hurt, but it doesn't hurt anymore.
The pain is gone.

The pain of your betrayal is gone.

I am not hurt.
I am not sad.
I am not hurt.
I am not hurt.

I am not hurt.


Don't get me wrong,
I am not blaming you.

I am sure, nothing was the best that you could do.

All your words, empty promises of "I will be there".
When the tide came, you couldn't even begin to care.

No, I am not hurt.
I am not sad,
I am not hurt.
I am not hurt.

I am not hurt.

I have come to the Island of the Dead,
to bury the one,
who, I thought, was a friend.

I am not hurt...

As a child I admired
other children's fantasy,
their power of imagination
(or was it sheer insanity?)
to call a friend,
such magical ability,
from the darkness, from the void
into their world ... and make him real.

I am made now
of sarcasm and pain,
because, for six illusive years,
in the most twisted way,
what I once wished for
somehow became true:
the friendship that
I held so dearly,
it was all imaginary, too.

How could I have been so stupid
that I never realised
the bond, I thought we shared,
was only in my mind?

How could I have been so stupid
that I never realised
the friend, I loved so deeply,
lived only in my mind!